Low Libido in a Long Relationship: What Shapes Desire, and What You Can Change

Last updated: 19 October 2026

Low libido in a long relationship is common and usually has everyday causes: in Britain's national survey, 34.2% of sexually active women and 15.0% of sexually active men reported lacking interest in sex for three months or more in the past year (Graham et al., 2017). The factors most linked to it were health, sleep, stress, emotional closeness and how easily a couple can talk about sex, and most of them can change.

Friday, 10:40pm. The children are finally asleep, the dishwasher is humming, and you are both in bed with your phones, scrolling the last of the week out of your heads. Somewhere in the back of your mind is the thought that it has been a while. If that sounds familiar, you are in large company.

This guide looks at what the research says shapes desire over time, the everyday factors couples can change this week, and where an oral dissolvable strip such as Smart Strips PleasureX fits: a small ritual for an evening you have decided to make time for.

How common is low libido?

More common than most people assume, especially for women. The figures above come from Natsal-3, a probability survey of adults aged 16 to 74 in Britain; the analysis covered 4,839 men and 6,669 women who had had at least one sexual partner in the past year (Graham et al., 2017). One in three women and roughly one in seven men described a stretch of three months or more without interest in sex.

That is a description of how common the experience is, not a diagnosis. Desire changes across life, and a quiet period after a new baby, a promotion or a hard year is part of many long relationships.

What affects sexual desire?

The same survey looked at what was linked to lacking interest, and the answers were less about biology than many people expect. For both men and women it was associated with age and with physical and mental health. Relationship factors stood out: not feeling emotionally close to a partner during sex, and finding it hard to talk about sex, were both linked to lacking interest. For women, so were having a different level of interest from a partner and being in a relationship of more than a year (Graham et al., 2017). The authors concluded that lacking interest should be looked at "in a holistic and relationship-specific way".

The World Health Organization describes sexual health in similar terms: "a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being related to sexuality" (WHO, 2022). Desire sits inside the rest of life.

Does sleep affect libido?

It appears to. In a two-week study in which 171 women reported their sleep and sexual activity every day, longer sleep was related to greater sexual desire the next day, and each extra hour of sleep corresponded to a 14% increase in the odds of partnered sexual activity (Kalmbach et al., 2015). The direction is easy to recognise for anyone who has tried to feel close to someone at the end of a five-hour night. If falling asleep is the hard part, our Z-z-Zen strip is made for the night, one strip 20 to 30 minutes before sleep.

Does stress lower desire?

Chronic stress seems to play a part. In a laboratory study of 30 women, those with high levels of chronic stress showed lower physical arousal than women with average stress (Hamilton and Meston, 2013). Most people do not need a laboratory to notice it: a mind still in the inbox at 11pm is rarely in the room. Our guide on how to stay calm on a stressful day looks at the daytime side of this.

What can couples change this week?

None of the factors above is fixed, and several are within reach in a single week.

Protect one night of real sleep before the evening you want. If one of you wakes at 4am with the to-do list running, our guide on why you wake up at 4am is a good place to start.

Phones out of the bedroom. Thirty minutes without screens is time that can go to conversation, which is where closeness starts.

Talk about it outside the bedroom. Since difficulty talking about sex was linked to lacking interest for both men and women (Graham et al., 2017), the conversation itself is part of the answer. A walk is often easier than a sofa.

Plan the evening. Spontaneity is lovely and rare in a busy household. Many couples find that a planned evening, with the children at their grandparents' and dinner at home, takes the pressure off rather than adding it.

See a doctor if it persists or worries you. A lasting change in desire can have medical causes, including medicines and health conditions, and is worth discussing with a doctor.

Where does PleasureX fit in?

PleasureX is our oral dissolvable strip for intimate moments. It belongs to the planned evening rather than the bathroom cabinet: one strip on the tongue before intimacy, melting in 7 to 30 seconds with a fresh mint taste, from a discreet sachet light enough for a jacket pocket or an evening bag. No water and no tablet to swallow, free of sugar and gluten, sweetened with stevia.

What is in each strip

Panax ginseng. Asian ginseng has long been used in traditional Chinese medicine as an adaptogen, a substance believed to help the body cope with physical and mental stress (NCCIH).

Fo-Ti. A root with a long history in traditional Chinese medicine.

L-arginine and L-citrulline. Two amino acids the body uses in its own nitric oxide metabolism; L-citrulline is readily absorbed and partly converted to L-arginine in the body (Schwedhelm et al., 2008).

The idea behind PleasureX is the ritual as much as the formula: one gesture that marks the moment the evening changes. For a weekend with two such moments, the Weekend Set pairs PleasureX with Aftr Party for the morning after.

Why an oral dissolvable strip?

Part of each strip's dose is absorbed through the lining of the mouth and the rest is swallowed with saliva. That lining is described in a pharmacology review as 4 to 4000 times more permeable than skin (Patel et al., 2011). Compared with a swallowed tablet, the Smart Strips format stands on three figures: up to 95% bioavailability, up to 4x faster and up to 30% more effective. The strips are made with QuickRelease™ technology (patent pending). More on the format in What are oral dissolvable strips.

Who should not take PleasureX?

PleasureX is for adults. Follow the daily intake on the box. Do not use it if you are pregnant or breastfeeding. Ginseng may affect sleep, may lower blood sugar and may interact with some medicines (NCCIH). Consult your doctor before use if you take medication, including medicines for blood pressure, blood sugar or blood clotting, or have a medical condition. Food supplements are not a substitute for a varied, balanced diet and a healthy lifestyle.

Sources

1. Graham CA, Mercer CH, Tanton C, Jones KG, Johnson AM, Wellings K, Mitchell KR. What factors are associated with reporting lacking interest in sex and how do these vary by gender? Findings from the third British national survey of sexual attitudes and lifestyles. BMJ Open. 2017;7(9):e016942. DOI 10.1136/bmjopen-2017-016942
2. World Health Organization. Redefining sexual health for benefits throughout life. 11 February 2022. https://www.who.int/news/item/11-02-2022-redefining-sexual-health-for-benefits-throughout-life
3. Kalmbach DA, Arnedt JT, Pillai V, Ciesla JA. The impact of sleep on female sexual response and behavior: a pilot study. J Sex Med. 2015;12(5):1221-1232.
4. Hamilton LD, Meston CM. Chronic stress and sexual function in women. J Sex Med. 2013;10(10):2443-2454. DOI 10.1111/jsm.12249
5. National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health. Asian Ginseng (updated February 2025). https://www.nccih.nih.gov/health/asian-ginseng
6. Schwedhelm E, Maas R, Freese R et al. Pharmacokinetic and pharmacodynamic properties of oral L-citrulline and L-arginine: impact on nitric oxide metabolism. Br J Clin Pharmacol. 2008;65(1):51-59.
7. Patel VF, Liu F, Brown MB. Advances in oral transmucosal drug delivery. J Control Release. 2011;153(2):106-116. DOI 10.1016/j.jconrel.2011.01.027